Sobriety can open up a world of possibility for individuals in recovery. Many people in 12 step recovery programs begin to feel as if, finally, they can rebuild their lives and get back some of what they lost during their years of addiction. One of the things that many of us suffer losing is romantic relationships.
Romantic relationships can be a source of happiness in sober living. Although it may feel strange interacting with people romantically while sober at first, it is so much more satisfying. Many of us relied heavily upon alcohol in order to maneuver through romantic relationships. Alcohol may have helped us temporarily feel more desirable or forget our hang-ups. When you’re used to shutting down your Self to deal with romantic relationships, attempting to navigate the waters while sober can feel both scary and intimidating.
It is recommended that individuals who are very early in their recovery should wait before jumping into romantic relationships too early. It is very important during recovery to focus on the Self and strengthening one’s Self so that, later on, the individual will have something good and authentic to bring to a romantic relationship. The main thing is to take care of YOU first, so that eventually you have the confidence and the tools you need for healthy, satisfying relationships.
Why Is Sober Sex Difficult?
Sober sexual relationships are often difficult because we have developed the habit of using alcohol to blur the lines of our own personal inhibitions and judgments. Without alcohol, sexual relationships require a huge amount of trust and self-confidence that many in recovery do not feel like they possess at that moment in their lives. Sex is intimate. Even if you’re having sex with your clothes on, it’s an act that makes you very vulnerable to someone else. Until you have regained a sense of who you are in sobriety, it’s pretty scary. This is another reason why it is often recommended to postpone sexual relationships until the individual in recovery has regained their own sense of self and confidence.
For those who have started to regain this confidence, there should be a conscious effort to relax and trust one’s partner. Those in recovery must remember that your partner has chosen you because they are genuinely attracted to you and desire to have a relationship with you. In a healthy relationship, your partner will not be focused on the way your stomach creases in certain positions or how you look when you wake up. They simply want to enjoy intimacy with you.
What about Existing Relationships?
Many of us in recovery are in existing relationships. These existing relationships will also need special attention. In many cases, the partners of addicts will have been harmed through the years of our substance abuse. There can be serious trust issues on both sides of the relationship. In many cases, couples’ therapy can help both partners learn to trust one another again. When your partner sees you genuinely working through the steps, and they see the change that happens when you do, that will go a long way to restoring some of that broken trust.
It is very important that those in recovery remember that although it may feel like it, alcohol is not necessary in order to have enjoyable sexual relationships. It may take time and counseling in order for those in recovery to learn to trust themselves and their partner again, but it can be done. Healing takes time, but the joy in sober sex is SO worth it!
Sober almost one year,7 meetings a week.Finally feeling better..
Keep up the great work, Roger! Thanks for reading!
Have no relationship right now,trying to calm my demons..
Stay strong! You are not alone!
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