First Sober Sex

First Sober Sex

Sober sex can be intimidating. There are many people who have never had unaltered sex, and you might be one of them. Part of recovery is exploring sex and relationships while sober, at your own pace, and when makes sense for you.

Relax and Take Your Time

Having sex sober for the first time can be a lot like having sex for the first time. You shouldn’t rush yourself. Take your time and don’t assume that you will be comfortable with all the things that you used to do. Sober sex is different from altered sex, and you may need to take some time to get used to it.

Your first time having sober sex is likely to feel a little different and awkward at first. But after that, you will feel more in control, and more present. You will feel like you’re having a complete experience, rather than watching from the sidelines.

Soon, you’ll be on your way to enjoying sober sex just as much as you used to enjoy sex before. It’s just a matter of getting used to your new normal, and finding new ways to get excited.

Acknowledge the Reasons You Avoid Sober Sex

Many people find that alcohol helps when they have sex. That’s not just because of the alcohol’s benefits, but because they may be nervous, anxious, or worried. Before you start engaging in sober sex, you need to find out whether there are reasons you previously avoided it.

Sometimes it’s as simple as not being ready for sex, and not wanting to have sex early on in a relationship. Sometimes it’s something deeper. A therapist or someone to talk to can help.

Be Aware of Your Mental State

Sex can be a trigger if you’re used to using substances while having sex. Make sure you’re mindful of your mental state both before and after having sex: if you feel as though you’re more tempted to use substances, call your sponsor and talk it through. A trustworthy partner can help you avoid a relapse.

Remember: during your recovery, both sex and relationships need to be carefully approached. If there are things that used to trigger your substance abuse, take it slowly. For more information about recovery, check out My 12 Step Store.

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