A Guide to Dating While In Recovery

Posted on February 8, 2016 by MainAdmin

A Guide to Dating While In Recovery

If you are in recovery, you should be squarely focused on returning to a life of sobriety. But this doesn’t mean that you should close the door on a potential relationship. Who knows, you just might meet the love of your life while on your recovery journey. Let’s take a look at the dos and don’ts of dating while in recovery.

Be Honest About Your Recovery

Do not hide the fact that you are on the path to sobriety. A potential significant other should know about your commitment to recovery. That way, he or she knows what to avoid. A love interest will also avoid drugs or alcohol around you if you let it be known that you are on your path to recovery. If the person is really interested in you, he or she will continue to date you regardless of your position on drugs and alcohol.

Take Your Time

Jumping into a serious relationship early in your recovery process might not be the best idea. It is possible to date one or many people in the early stages of recovery, but getting heavily involved with another person right away could prove to be a mistake. Certain individuals will find that they need to focus on their quest for sobriety while others will be able to proceed through the recovery process while developing a serious relationship with a significant other. Make sure you’re doing what’s best for you.

Don’t Use Relationships as Distractions

Recovery is a delicate period of time in which an individual must focus on himself and his vision for his future. Sharing time with a girlfriend or boyfriend should only occur if you are sincere about the relationship. If you find that you regularly reach out to your new significant other as a means of distracting yourself from your desire for alcohol, you are doing a disservice to yourself and them. Sit down with the person and discuss your desire to recover and how it relates to your relationship.

Save the Big Decisions for Later

The first year of recovery should be dedicated to eliminating drugs or alcohol from your life and forming relationships with individuals who have interests outside of substance abuse. Dating in this time period is certainly acceptable. Yet making a monumental change in your life such as moving in with your new significant other, getting married or having kids will make the road to sobriety that much more challenging. Dedicate the majority of this first six months/year to bettering yourself and living life on the path to recovery.

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Is it Love or Lust?

Posted on February 1, 2016 by MainAdmin

Have you met someone who strikes your fancy while in recovery or post-recovery? Perhaps you think you have found love. Though few are willing to discuss this sensitive topic, there is a difference between love and lust. Lust indicates the existence of a sexual attraction while love is based on a much deeper desire. For some, love and lust overlap to create a relationship that can’t be categorized as one or the other. When you’re in recovery, you want to make sure that the relationships you are in are healthy and supporting your overall goals.

The Initial Attraction

When you first meet someone who you believe you like as more than a friend, your brain’s neurotransmitters activate and your hormones take over. This beginning period of dating is an exciting time for both people. But love doesn’t exist right off the bat. The initial attraction is almost always fueled by lust. It is possible for love to eventually stem from this initial lust, but this transition does not occur in all relationships.

Love vs. Lust

While lusting for someone can occur instantaneously, loving someone takes time. You might care for your significant other quite deeply. However, if you were to remove sex from the relationship, you might find that you do not care for that person quite as much. Love transcends sexual attraction. If you are truly in love with your significant other, you will care for them when they are sick, make personal sacrifices to improve his or her well-being and stick with him or her through troubling times.

Pure lust is strictly about physical intimacy. Sure, you might spend a substantial amount of time dating your significant other; yet doing so might simply serve as a steppingstone to the ultimate goal of sex. Sex releases the love chemical, known as oxytocin, making your feel a special type of high that sometimes leads to the desire to “nest” together. Lusting for someone is quite different from loving that person inside and out. If you are strictly concerned with having your physical needs met, you lust for your significant other. If you really want to understand that person’s beliefs, opinions, feelings and thoughts, you just might be in love.

The Signs of Toxic Relationships

Ask yourself if you want to spend a large chunk of your free time with your significant other for the rest of your life. Do you want to help him or her grow as a person? Can you envision yourself living with that person for decades? Are you willing to lend that person support when times are tough? Do they support you in your goals for recovery? If you answered “no” to any of these questions, you are likely “in lust” rather than “in love.” A toxic relationship might start out with seemingly innocent sex but can eventually transition into a problem. If you aren’t best friends or close to it, the relationship is likely to turn toxic over time. Do not give in to your lust any longer than you already have. The last thing you want to do is find yourself in a bad emotional state from a bad relationship, as that could tempt you to go back to your old habits. If you are in a toxic relationship fueled by physical desire and little to nothing else, it is time to move on with your quest for true love.

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How Many 12-Step Meetings Should I Go to Each Week?

Posted on January 25, 2016 by MainAdmin

How Many 12-Step Meetings Should I Go to Each Week?

Each person’s passage through the 12-step program is unique. Some people in recovery require a daily meeting with their sponsor and peer support group. Others need a weekly or monthly meeting to remain sober and confident. The frequency of attendance at meetings should be determined on a case-by-case basis. Let’s take a look at why some people might prefer weekly meetings while others are comfortable with showing up on a more infrequent basis.

The Monthly Meeting-Goer

The logic of the individual who shows up to a 12-step program meeting once per month is unique to his or her personal situation. Sometimes people think that reducing attendance to a weekly or monthly meeting will help them conquer their addiction on their own. In a way, they consider it an accomplishment to lean on their sponsor and support group as infrequently as possible. If they can successfully stay on the path to recovery without showing up to multiple meetings per week, they believe that they have achieved personal growth.

The Daily Meeting-Goer

Recovery program participants who show up to meetings on a daily basis also have their own unique motivations and logic. Some feel as if they are more likely to revert to their old habits if they aren’t constantly surrounded by people who share the same struggle of addiction. Others simply enjoy the camaraderie that daily meetings provide. They have developed meaningful friendships with their sponsor and those in recovery. Spending a substantial amount of time with these friends bolsters their commitment to sobriety and one another.

What is the Ideal Frequency of 12-Step Meetings?

Do not use AA meetings as a crutch. Meeting with your support group on a daily basis or multiple times per week can become an addiction in and of itself that limits your personal growth. However, those who are new to AA will find that frequent meetings are quite beneficial. As you progress in your recovery journey, it is imperative that you try your hardest to gradually become more self-reliant. This means reducing the number of meetings across posterity with the ultimate goal of not needing to attend 12-step meetings because you will have conquered your addiction.

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Fat Burners: Can I Take Them in Recovery?

Posted on January 18, 2016 by MainAdmin

When you are dealing with addiction, it’s important to make the most of your time in recovery. The last thing you want to do is cause a relapse inadvertently. Something that could easily trip you up is fat burners and workout supplements.

The Pros

Many people will say that supplements and fat burners work, and in many instances they are correct. There are pre-workout and post-workout powders, bars and other products that can increase endurance and provide better focus and energy. All of the products are legal and can be purchased over-the-counter. They can stimulate your body in a similar way to drinking coffee or smoking cigarettes.

If you can find a product that is very clear in terms of the ingredients, it may be safe, especially if you choose a natural fat burner or supplement that doesn’t have a lot of chemicals in it. You have to look at what you are putting in your body at all times, particularly when you are in recovery because you don’t want to take the chance of a relapse. This means you have to be extra cautious. It can be beneficial to talk to a doctor or counselor before you start taking anything.

The Cons

There is not a lot of regulation when it comes to the different supplements on the market. When you are looking to find miracles on your path to sobriety, consuming products that have unknown ingredients can be dangerous.

You don’t necessarily want to put your weight loss or muscle building goals on hiatus, but you have to put your mental and physical health first, and that means working on your addiction. You don’t want to move from one substance to another within your addictive nature. Until you can say no to one substance, it’s best to remove all the possible temptations because you don’t want to be dragged down another path.

What You Can Do

The best thing to do is remind yourself that you are in recovery. At My 12 Step Store, we have jewelry and other items that can serve as reminders that you are on a path to a better you. Keep this in mind any time temptations are out there even if it is in the form of a supplement or fat burner.

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Going Back to School in Recovery

Posted on January 11, 2016 by MainAdmin

You’re in recovery, which means you’re on your way to getting your life back on track in so many ways. You might even be thinking of going back to school. College isn’t just for the people right out of high school. Many people choose to go back to school and get their degrees later in life. There’s no reason you can’t be one of them.

Why Go Back to School?

You have a new outlook on life and if you’re not happy within your current career track, now’s the time to do something about it. You have already chosen to change your life for the better, and when you get the education needed to make changes in your career, you can become an unstoppable force. Remember that the job market is more competitive than ever before. Having a college degree can give you the one-up on competition that’s needed to make you stand out in a group of applicants. You can find a good paying job and this can help you to continue a sober life and with more ambition than ever before.

Overcome the Obstacles

When you are in recovery, it can be difficult. For example, binge drinking is very common amongst college students. There may also be a lot of stress related to the workload. You need to make sure you manage your stress to avoid any kind of relapse with your addiction problems. It can be helpful to keep a journal of all of your accomplishments. Reflect on your challenges and how you have overcome them and use this as a reminder when you think that everything has become too overwhelming and you want to quit.

It is also a good idea to find a recovery sponsor near the campus. This can be someone you rely on to help you when everything else seems lost.  Now there are also a variety of online classes so you can study and get a degree from the comfort of your own home.  Online schooling can help to alleviate some of the stresses with living on a college campus.  When you are overcoming addiction, it’s important that you don’t lose sight of your priorities. You need to lead a clean life and this can be done in college. You may have mixed up your priorities once before, but it’s never too late to go back to school. The degree and the experience you get from it can change your life for the better.

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Feeling Overwhelmed? Find Ways to Relax and Keep Motivated

Posted on January 4, 2016 by MainAdmin

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed while in recovery. When you are overcoming addiction, it’s important to take it easy and make a conscious decision to manage your stress, and there are many things that you can do.

Just Relax

Relaxing is often easier said than done, but when you are in recovery, there are DVDs that can be used to help you with all of the steps. They can show you more about how to relax.

Learn to say “no” to the things that are going to add stress to your life. People may be asking you to help in different areas. If it is beyond what you can handle, apologize and say that you are not able to. It comes down to being able to maintain your mental health. When you are overcoming addiction, you don’t need any reason to stray from your path, and stress can often cause this to happen.

There are various things that you can do to help you relax:

  • Try breathing techniques
  • Go to a yoga class
  • Head to the gym
  • Listen to some music
  • Read a book

Everyone has different relaxation techniques that help them. Find what works for you and stick to it. At the first sign of stress, go find your happy place.

Use Affirmations

It is important to speak affirmations that will help to calm you down. Be positive in your thoughts and recite them as often as possible. You may even want to write some of the affirmations down. A good one to turn to when you’re feeling down is, “Everything is going to work out in the end.” Write it down and hang it somewhere that you will see it several times a day as a constant reminder.

On the road to recovery, it can be advantageous to have daily meditation books that allow you to take a few minutes each day and meditate a little bit. At My 12 Step Store, you can find various books that can be used to help you let go of some of the anger and accept that things can and will get better for you. Overwhelming feelings can threaten to bury you. The best thing to do is take a deep breath and relax. Overcoming addiction is not easy, but when you can eliminate some of the stress from your life, it can be easier to deal with and take in stride.

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Setting Goals and Keeping Them One Day at a Time

Posted on December 28, 2015 by MainAdmin

Setting goals can be one of the very best ways to get past addiction and move forward into a life of joy, peace and freedom. The idea of setting goals may seem daunting or stressful, but it doesn’t have to be. While goals are markers for something you want to accomplish, they can also be worked toward one day at a time. That’s how you get to and keep a goal that’s important to you. When you can work toward something just one day at a time, it doesn’t feel as frightening to handle.

How to Set Goals the Right Way

What kinds of goals do you have? Are they small things or are they lofty? Either way, you can learn to keep them one day at a time, and that’s a great way to have a goal and hang onto it. When you set goals, it’s important that you think about how difficult (or easy) they may be for you. You can also set short-term and long-term goals. The short-term goals are generally easier because they don’t take as long to get to and accomplish. The long-term goals will be more difficult since they are bigger and they will take more time to get to. But that doesn’t mean you can’t work toward them each day, so you get closer and closer to them as time goes on.

Your goals should be realistic, but they should also take some effort to get to. When you must work toward your goals, meeting and achieving your goals is often its own reward. Seeing that you can achieve a goal is often very motivating, and can keep you focused on the future and on wanting to do more with your talents and abilities. When you create your goals, write them down. You want to be able to see them every day.

Keeping Your Goals Each and Every Day

It’s not just about setting your goals, though. It’s about keeping them, and that’s something you have to make a commitment to each and every day. For that day, remind yourself that what you’re doing only has to be done for a day. Tomorrow will be a new day and will take care of itself. Just focus on the day you have right there, right in front of you. Know that you can do what you need to do for that day. Then when you get up the next day, do the same thing. You will have kept your short-term goals each day and reached your long-term goals before you know it.

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Turn to Your Family for Support During the Holidays

Posted on December 21, 2015 by MainAdmin

The holiday season can be a challenging one when you’re going through recovery. This time of year is a busy one, and it’s also an extremely emotional one for many people. If you’re struggling with stress and anxiety over social expectations, or feelings of loneliness during the holidays, getting support from family can be an enormous help as you work toward sober living.

Families Come in All Shapes and Sizes

Spending the holidays with family doesn’t always mean gathering around the dinner table with mom, dad, siblings and other relatives. The word “family” can be used to describe any group of people that you feel close to. Whether that’s one parent or a group of close friends, your family consists of those who are closest to your heart. These people can provide you with the emotional support you need during this hectic season. When you gather with family, you should feel loved and welcomed no matter what you’re going through. Regardless of who you consider family, these are the people who can make the holiday season a happy one for you despite your struggles.

Closing the Distance

If the people you’re closest to live far away, try to make travel plans to see them over the holidays if possible. If you’re unable to do that, stay in touch with them in other ways. Use video chat software to see and talk to them, or spend time chatting with them on the phone so you can at least hear their voices. You can also keep in touch with them through social media or by sending a heartfelt, handwritten card.

Be Realistic About Expectations

Now that you’re going through a 12-step recovery program, you might think that the holidays will be joyful occasions, but it’s important to be realistic about your expectations. Even though you’re working toward a sober living goal, things that have happened in the past that might have created distance between you and your family can come up. These events might cause some friction in the present, so try to be patient and understanding when you’re with family. Keep in mind that your family might have certain expectations about you and your behavior as well. They might expect you to feel cheerful all the time during the holidays, but it’s common to go through different emotions when you’re recovering from addiction. Instead of hiding your feelings, turning to compassionate family members can help you cope with these emotions.

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Who Said Clean and Sober Holidays had to Be Boring?

Posted on December 14, 2015 by MainAdmin

The holidays are quickly approaching, and that means we’ll all be attending a myriad of get-togethers like office parties, secret Santa exchanges and other events. These social functions will undoubtedly be full of alcohol and inebriated party-goers. It is possible for those in recovery to have a fantastic time at these holiday events even while surrounded by booze or other drugs.

You can be the Life of the Party Without Giving In

Too many people rely on alcohol or drugs as a crutch, thinking it helps them become social, happy and fun to be around. Think about the real point of having a holiday party. It is to spend time with friends and family while eating good food, listening to music and enjoying other sorts of entertainment. You can partake in karaoke, board games, video games, movie marathons, grandiose meals and other niceties during the holidays without setting back your progress in recovery.

A Sober Holiday is a Memorable Holiday

One of the best aspects of holiday celebrations is creating memories. What’s the point of getting together with your friends and family during the holidays if you move on with no recollection of those events? Go ahead and enjoy sober living during the holidays. You’ll be able to dance, laugh, play and interact with others with perfect mental clarity. In the end, you’ll have fond memories that last a lifetime.

You can do Anything While Sober

If you’d rather avoid being around temptations altogether during the holidays, encourage your friends and family to do something different and go out for some fun instead. You could go to the local movie theater and enjoy a family-friendly film together, or grab a cup off coffee and something sweet at your favorite coffee shop. You and your loved ones will still have plenty of fun without you feeling uncomfortable.

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I’m Dreaming of Beautiful Recovery Gifts in Style!

Posted on December 10, 2015 by MainAdmin

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the sober house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney, in hopes to be filled with more
shiny hope and fun unique gifts with the most in recovery from My 12 Step Store.

The clean and sober adults were like young children all nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of presents filled their heads , gratitude was what they really said.
All over the world it was the same, from teenage adults on up people in recovery
were hoping for gifts that had new meaning to their ways of living in recovery.

Some envisioned big fancy gifts of jewelry and diamonds with emeralds and ruby’s,
others thought of fun stocking stuffers and  yet some wished for special Hanukkah sapphires.
They all have a wish list but would be ever so grateful for anything from My 12 Step Store,
holiday wrapped and delivered with all that special thought  from great old St Nick.

The beautiful moon on the face of the newcomer was like fresh-fallen snow.
Stars twinkled deep into their hearts with sweet new thoughts and pleasant sober dreams.
When, what to my wondering eyes they opened up to amazing new recovery toys.
House’s were filled all over the world with love and gifts of hope from My 12 Step Store.

It was true…Dreams were heard and wishes were filled, Joy was whistled, and shouted,and all gifts were called out by name! “Now,  12-Step Ball! Now, Big Book Cover!
Now, Gold Unity Ring and AA pendant! On, glitter medallion! On, Pink Sparkle Diamond Bling!
On, NA Medallions! On Serenity Prayer Mug and Money Clip! Forward, Al-Anon Jewelry!
and Recovery Meditation Books! Forward, Gifts for Her!, Forward Gifts for Him!

Recovery eyes-how they twinkled! Adults with children like dimples how merry!
Happy cheeks were like serenity roses, with recovery noses like a cherry!
Everyone had something, sober gifts, NA toys, Al-Anon joys, overeaters, Sex and Love addicts.
And all were shipped and delivered by My 12 Step Store and great old St Nick!

Not a word was spoke for it could all be done on your own www.my12stepstore.com
If one found to be stuck or need to order by phone you can always call us, 310-623-1702
We suggest you start and shop early cause we really want St Nick to be able to deliver.
Or, if you’re nearby then you can stop by 8730 Santa Monica Blvd. west Hollywood CA

We wish you all the amazing recovery you can imagine and all the serenity you wish to happen.
We will work ever so hard to serve and please, know we share and give back for those who need.
We hope to hear a sound from you and Thank you for all your support year round.
“Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to all, and to all a clean and sober good-night!”

View our video blog here: https://youtu.be/bfo-zJosrAg

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