Learn to Stop Fighting Friends and Family

Recovery is a beautiful thing and moving into and through it doesn’t have to be a tumultuous, difficult time. Instead, it can be a time of great beauty, of joy and of transformation. To get relief and find that joy, though, it’s important to cease fighting. People in recovery can sometimes rail against the things and the people who mean the most to them. You can move beyond that, though. Stopping all that fighting is one of the best ways to feel better and continue moving forward so you can get on with your recovery and have the great life you deserve.

Addiction Recovery Truly is Possible

When you begin to recover from addiction, you might want to handle it your way and do things the way you think will be best. That makes complete sense, and it’s very common, but you might want to consider that the people who love you generally know what’s best for you. They want what’s best for you, too, and they want to make sure you get through any struggles or difficult times. So when they offer advice, don’t just resort to fighting. Listen to them and keep an open mind. You can find the joy in your life, when you work with your friends and family to get all the help you need. Ceasing fighting anything or anyone can be the best and most important thing you’ll ever do.

Sober Living is Joyous Living

Living sober is a beautiful thing. When you cease fighting, you get closer to your goal of a full, 12 step recovery. You have to release the idea of who is right, because that doesn’t matter. What matters is the happiness and joy you can find in life when you have sober living as part of your everyday plan. A 12 step recovery plan comes with challenges, of course, but it is the way you get through those challenges that matters most.

When you surrender yourself to the recovery and allow yourself to open your heart and mind to getting help, a huge weight is removed from your shoulders. That weight is also removed from the shoulders of the people who love and care about you. Let them help you, and give them the opportunity to focus on getting you well again. When you cease fighting, release your ego and embrace the joy and beauty in life, you can move toward (and stay in) complete and total recovery.

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Finding Miracles On Your Journey to Recovery

It is so important to know about miracles and how they work. They happen every day to ordinary people just like you and me. However, they typically aren’t going to happen without a little push. For example, those who suffer from addiction aren’t usually going to be cured for the rest of their lives without at least some help and effort. Once the effort is put in, miracles can happen and people can stay away from the temptations, leading healthier and happier lives as a result.

Some miracles are events not explicable by natural or scientific laws. Such an event may be attributed to a supernatural being of divine intervention by God or gods, a miracle worker, a saint, a religious leader or spiritual person. Regardless of what form they take, the most important thing is to open yourself up to these miracles when they come around.

Miracles in Recovery 

Some of the best miracles of addiction recovery are when the people go on to do incredible things for others. Their lives take on new meaning and they want to become a mental health life couch or something else extraordinary. The people who are in positions of helping are those that witness the miracles more than anyone else. If you are on a 12-step recovery path, you may see miracles and be pushed towards your own.

In your darkest hour, you might find someone who is willing to talk to you and serve you, giving you the time and support that is needed to shed light into your life. You can learn so much from the devotion that others have. It’s capable of working its own miracle in your life, but you have to be open to it.

Miracles are different for everyone and it’s important to realize that they come in very different packages. Doors of opportunity will open at the right time. Someone who is working on addiction recovery may have a breakthrough.

Miracles Will Happen 

Those who have suffered from addictions and have come out the other side can become the ones who help others battling addiction. Think about it — who is better equipped to guide you through the 12-step recovery than someone who has already been there and stood where you stand now?

Miracles are when someone enters your life and knows how to help you. They know what to say to you to help you re-evaluate your life. Miracles are when you say no to the temptation. Miracles are when you stand up at a meeting and someone thanks you for sharing your story.

Expecting miracles is natural when you are looking at changing your life. They may be small or they may be earth shattering, but they are happening. You simply need to keep your eyes and ears open to what’s going on around you. The miracle you receive may set you on a brighter path for the rest of your life.

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How to Be Grateful When Life Gives You Problems

Changing a longtime habit is never easy, but recovering from addiction is especially difficult. Even as you maintain your sobriety with a 12-step recovery program, you have consequences to face and real-life responsibilities to fulfill. It’s easy to feel frustrated or defeated as those responsibilities pile up. Remember: a sober and busy life is still far easier and more productive than the apathy and destruction that any substance brought you. When you face difficult moments or struggle to keep your own promise to yourself, it’s important to nurture your spirit by stopping to appreciate the blessings you do have.

Honor Your Creator 

Spirituality is a humbling force for addicts. When you acknowledge that a higher power is responsible for creating your world and forgiving your mistakes, it gets a little easier to navigate the tricky journey toward recovery. Many 12-step recovery centers incorporate prayer into their programs, and you can follow their lead by saying grateful prayers for the improvements you’ve made during recovery. No matter what religion you follow, you will always be able to look upward and express gratitude for the world around you. 

Appreciate Your Family

You probably didn’t get this far alone. Whether your biological family or a circle of close friends helped you transition from addiction into recovery, those people deserve recognition for their loyalty. Thank your loved ones for their sacrifices, and stop to appreciate the privileges you have because of them. For example, if you’re staying with a friend or a former boss vouched for you professionally, think of them next time you want to complain about a minor injustice.

Celebrate Your Recovery

You’ve already taken accountability for your choices, and you deserve to reward yourself for approaching a milestone that some addicts never reach at all: the addiction recovery process. The moment you make a commitment to stop drinking, you become a member of a large and thriving community of victors. When cravings get bad or you can’t stop remembering past mistakes, take a moment to be completely present. Remind yourself that you were strong enough to stop drinking and get help, and be grateful for the progress you’ve made so far.  

Make a Choice to Be Happy

You know how quickly individual decisions can become full-fledged habits. Fortunately, you can use this to your advantage as you pursue a happier, more fulfilling life. As you struggle with personal loss, unpredictable emotions or even professional obstacles, make a conscious choice to notice beauty and pursue happiness along the way.

Substance abuse once stood in the way of your genuine happiness. Now that you’re in addiction recovery, it’s important to actively seek the people, places and experiences that make you happy. Gratitude grows, and the more you stop to appreciate your everyday life, the more gracious and positive your attitude will become. Optimism is contagious, so start by spreading it throughout your own life.

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Finding Gratitude During Recovery

Gratitude is a beautiful feeling, but it’s more than just that. It requires action, and the more action you take out of gratitude, the more gratitude usually comes back to you. Feeling grateful is a big part of addiction recovery as you start to realize all of the beauty around you. When you take that feeling of being grateful and carry it with you into the world each day, you can pass it along to others who might be in need of a helping hand or a little bit of a boost. Although gratitude is a good thing, it requires work and there can be challenges that try to get in its the way.

Benefits of Gratitude

Practicing gratitude can change your life in a meaningful way. Studies have shown that people who go through the world with a grateful attitude experience higher levels of positive emotions, are more outgoing, more forgiving, and feel more alive. Gratitude can help you celebrate where you are in the present, kicking your addiction and working to becoming a healthier individual. It can help you block negative feelings and emotions that threaten your recovery, and even help you find a higher sense of self-worth and appreciation. 

Working toward Gratitude

Being grateful is easy when things are going well, but it’s a lot harder when times are tough. There will be ups and downs in any 12-step recovery, and some days you might not feel as grateful as others. Those days are when you have to work on your gratitude. You can keep a journal of the things you’re thankful for, remember good times, think about an upcoming event that you’re looking forward to, or call up a friend who can help you see the beauty in the day. It’s a conscious effort to become and stay grateful sometimes, but it’s well worth working toward each and every day.

Another way you can work toward gratitude is to help others. By understanding what others are going through, you can feel better about your addiction recovery, realize how far you’ve come and provide hope to people who could really use someone to talk to. Whether they’re on their own 12-step recovery journey or they have other concerns in their life, you can help show them a better day while increasing your gratitude at the same time.

Facing Challenges

In the midst of a 12-step recovery, you sometimes will face significant challenges to your gratitude. You might have a bad day, feel sick or end a relationship. You could lose a job or have to move to a new place. No matter what happens throughout your addiction recovery, though, it’s important to remember that you can get through anything that challenges you and keep your gratitude. Life is precious and beautiful, and there is always something to be grateful for. Some days you just have to look a little bit harder, but there’s always gratitude to be found.

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Do We Ever Recover From Our Addiction?

Addiction isn’t a life sentence. Everyone follows a unique path toward addiction recovery, and if you still struggle with substance use, it doesn’t mean you will struggle forever. Every emotion you feel is temporary, and when you choose to be strong and focus on long-term rewards, it will get easier and easier to weather painful setbacks.   

Addiction Is Treatable

Even if you identify as an addict and plan to be in recovery for the rest of your life, you won’t necessarily have to deal with cravings or psychological turmoil forever. Addictions are completely treatable, and you have the power to overcome it.

Many 12-step recovery programs are legitimate medical treatment plans that treat addictions. Psychology Today defines addiction as a condition that results when a person ingests a substance (e.g., alcohol, cocaine, nicotine) or engages in an activity (e.g., gambling, sex, shopping) that can be pleasurable, but the continued use/act of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work, relationships, or health. Oftentimes, users are not aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others.

Addiction and its consequences aren’t trivial or easy to overcome. However, receiving treatment is the only effective way to do it, and too many addicts never make that first step. But for those who do, it can be very successful.  According to research that tracks individuals in treatment over extended periods, most people who begin and continue treatment stop using drugs, decrease their criminal activity, and improve their occupational, social and psychological functioning. And at least one-third of alcoholics report they fully recovered with the help of treatment.

Recovery Is Always Possible

Stand on the productive side of these statistics and make a choice to start treatment or continue your recovery rather than dwell on the difficult challenges it will present. Your memories of substance abuse will last much longer than your cravings, but that can be a good thing as it helps you learn from your mistakes and move forward with your life.  

Addiction isn’t an incurable or inevitable disease. If you don’t want your future to resemble your past, you must admit that addiction has ruled your life for too long and turn toward a much more reliable and benevolent authority, such as a 12-step recovery center or a health care provider who can help. Treatment begins as soon as you want it to begin, and your success rate depends on your continued commitment to recovery.

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A SLIP or NOT: Is it OK to drink non-alcoholic beer in recovery?

Many alcoholics or alcohol abusers wonder if it is okay for them to drink non-alcoholic beverages. After all, the alcohol component of these drinks isn’t present. Can it be okay to indulge in it once in a while during 12 step recovery? Unfortunately, there’s no specific answer to this. Every person is very different in terms of sober living and what could happen with one or more of these beverages.

It’s Not What You Think

First, it’s important to realize that many non-alcoholic beverages and low alcohol beers actually contain 0.5 percent alcohol by volume. Yes, they actually have alcohol in them. Most of the alcohol is filtered and boiled out during the brewing process, but some remains. What remains is not necessarily enough to make you drunk and in most cases you will not feel any different drinking these compared to a can of soda. For some people, though, they do create a placebo effect, meaning they give you the psychological feeling of drinking alcohol. That’s where the slippery slope comes in.

For some individuals, that placebo effect is the underlying problem. This could make you feel like you are drunk and bring back all of your feelings and thoughts about drinking again. It might even bring back your old habits. That’s why so many 12 step programs recommend that members stay away from these products. Sometimes, a similar smell or taste can bring you back to ground zero. A clear way to indicate this could be a problem, is to consider how you feel. If you are drinking these products because you want to bring back your “glory days” of drinking, they should not be used at all.

Understanding Your Triggers

Keeping this in mind, it’s important for people to understand what their triggers are. What makes you have the feelings and desire to drink again? For some people, that smell or flavor is enough to create a trigger. For many others, it is not. Unfortunately, like with every other component of alcoholism, you have to determine the right way to behave and interact based on your specific needs and risks. It’s a personal decision, ultimately, to make about drinking non-alcoholic beverages.

Before picking up these drinks, it’s important to take into consideration what the short term and long term impact will be. Could it be worthwhile to you or is not worth the risk at all? Sometimes gaining focus and praying can help you to make the right decisions.

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Virgin Beverages Glamorized to Look Like Cocktails: A Good Thing or Not?

You’ve heard of them before. Mocktails are all of the rage in various establishments these days. These virgin beverages are all dressed up to look like traditional cocktails but they do not have the alcoholic component to them. Mocktails seem innocent enough, but are they a good option for you? Before you try one out, take into consideration a few key things about these beverages.

For Some People, It’s Best to Step Away

You’ve worked hard to get to where you are right now with your 12 step recovery. Should you really have one of these glamorized drinks? Addiction experts warn that these products can be a slippery slope for many people. The experts say it’s unhealthy to act like you are drinking, even if you are doing so innocently enough. For some people, these products can lead to eventual addition of a small amount of alcohol. For others, it can lead into a relapse.

A Simple Sip Is Too Much

The problem for many people comes not just from the alcohol in drinks, but also the way they make you feel. Even though mocktails have no alcohol, they can bring back memories about the way you felt drinking the real thing. Many of these drinks really look like traditional cocktails. That can create a strong sense of desire not just for the mocktail, but for traditional cocktails as well.

How to Keep Your Head Up

It’s hard to go to outdoor events or meals with friends when mocktails are present, especially if your friends say these should be fine for you. The best way for you to avoid the potential problem is simply to know your triggers. Not everyone needs to forgo these drinks for sober living. If you can avoid drinking them in the same situations and for the same pleasure sensation you had when drinking alcohol, they may be okay. For others, it is best to steer clear.

It’s important to realize that mocktails also give you a high dose of refined sugar and can give you that “high” feeling. If you are addicted to stimulants, it’s essential to avoid these drinks.

Take a deep breath and realize that these drinks, while they seem innocent enough, might not be worth their taste if they create that slippery slope you have been working hard to avoid.

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Lights, Music, Action…It’s Party Time! How do I do this Sober?

When you’ve given up drinking, going to parties can be a challenge. You’re usually surrounded by a lot of people with a drink in their hand, which can cause you to wonder how you’ll manage to have fun and stay sober all night. Thankfully, there are ways to ensure that you have a good time at these types of gatherings while sticking to your goal of sober living.

Make Yourself Useful

Keeping yourself busy can help pass the time at a party, but that doesn’t mean you have to serve food or clean up after everyone. Find a fun way to be useful at the party, such as volunteering to be the DJ. You’ll get to hear your favorite tunes and get some laughs while watching those who are drunk stumble around the dance floor.

Look for a Fellow Non-drinker

Keep in mind that you’re likely not the only sober person at the party. There might be a few designated drivers that you can chat with or other partygoers who aren’t into alcohol. If your friends are too drunk to talk to, hang out with the non-drinkers in the crowd. You’ll have a great time and might end up making a new friend or two.

Enjoy Free Entertainment

If your friends are the types who start doing or saying amusing things while drunk, you can have some laughs watching them or interacting with them. Instead of focusing on the fun they seem to be having, you can focus on having fun while being around them.

Carry a Non-alcoholic Beverage Around

Being around others who are drinking when you’re going through a 12 step recovery program is hard enough. Walking around with a glass filled with soda or another non-alcoholic beverage reduces the risk of having other people offer you drinks all night. You won’t have to make as much effort to resist the temptation to have just one drink.

Make an Exit Strategy

You’ll be able to enjoy yourself more at the party if you have an exit strategy figured out ahead of time. This allows you to relax and be comfortable leaving the party if it gets to be too much to handle. Just keep in mind that you’ll need to stick around for most or all of the party if you offer to drive friends home.

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In Sobriety Avoid Boredom on Days Off Work and Holidays

Boredom is one of the biggest obstacles to overcome when you commit to sober living. When you’re used to drinking, trying to figure out what to do to fill up your time on holidays and days off from work can be tough. You suddenly find that you have to come up with things to do that don’t involve alcohol. You also have more time and a clearer head, which makes it easier to start thinking or dwelling on your situation. This can end up making you feel restless or even depressed and angry, leading to a higher risk of relapsing. When you do find yourself feeling bored, use the following ideas to make sure you stay busy.

See a Movie

Going to the movies gives you a safe way to take your mind off things and just relax for a couple of hours. Choose a movie that you know you’ll be interested in and those hours you spend in the movie theater will fly by.

Volunteer

Volunteering your time to help a local charity or organization is a great way to keep yourself occupied and focus on something positive while you’re going through 12 step recovery. Whether you’re more comfortable serving soup to the homeless, walking dogs at the local animal shelter or spending time with seniors in nursing homes, you’ll find plenty of volunteer opportunities in your local area.

Visit an Art Gallery or Museum

If you love learning about local history, natural history, science or the arts, make plans to spend a day at an art gallery or museum near you. You can take as much time as you want checking out all of the displays.

Enjoy a Cup of Coffee or Tea

Head to a local coffeehouse for a soothing cup of coffee or tea with a friend or family member. You’ll have time to unwind and socialize a bit without being tempted to drink alcohol. Keep in mind that your local coffeehouse might host musical performances or other fun events for you to attend.

Sign Up for Dance Lessons

If you’ve always wanted to dance but never took lessons before, now is a perfect time to do so. Look for local places that offer lessons in the type of dance you’re interested in, whether that’s ballroom, line dancing or salsa. You’ll have an entertaining way to pass the time on a weekly basis while also learning a new skill.

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What’s The Difference Between Making A Direct Amends To People And Making An Apology?

You’re on your way to sober living. Through the 12 step recovery process, you are becoming a new person and learning how to take a healthier and happier approach to the way you live your life. In step nine, you have to make direct amends.

What’s the difference between making amends and making an apology? Understanding will allow you to get one step closer to addiction recovery and repair some relationships that may have been broken during your past.

help mountaineerMaking Direct Amends

Essentially, making direct amends is to go one step beyond an apology. You don’t want to simply acknowledge that you failed or made an offense in a regretful way. You want to try and make up for it. You want to repair that which has been damaged. Even if you cannot directly restore what has been broken, you can do so in a symbolic way.

One way to look at the difference is to see how you borrowed money from someone and then never paid them back. If you were to apologize, you would simply acknowledge that you had borrowed the money and never repaid them. A direct amends would be to apologize and give them the money back. This is an important part of the 12 step recovery and like the saying goes, anything worth doing is worth doing right.

The Importance of Making Amends

Throughout your path to sober living, you will find that there are many resources to help you determine how to reach addiction recovery.

During step eight of the 12 step program, you created a list of all the people you have wronged. Now it is time to make direct amends. When you cannot make direct amends, such as repairing or repaying, you can look at the indirect amends. For example, you cannot take back the fact that you physically assaulted someone. However, you can volunteer within a shelter for the abused or give to a charity of the person’s choosing.

You will find that many people make amends through public speaking as a way to give back to the entire community. This is part of the cleansing process and a way to bring closure and peace to the relationships that have been broken.

Apologies are a good start, but the best way to overcome the emotional distress of what you have been through is to make full amends. It will be better for you and those you have wronged.

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