Top 5 Characteristics to Look for in a Best Friend

Top 5 Characteristics to Look for in a Best Friend

It’s during the rough patches in life that we discover our true friends, and going through rehab is no different. Your addiction may have already damaged many of the relationships in your life, but now that you are on the road to recovery you will be able to see what true friendship really means. Sometimes best friends change during different times in one’s life or as people grow in life.

The decision to pursue rehab or a 12-step program is an important one, and it is vital that you disconnect from the negative influences in your life.

Here are 5 characteristics to look for a best friend.

Understanding

A true friend will understand what you are going through and will appreciate that you are trying to get your life back on track. If at any time you feel your friends are working against your rehabilitation and new journey in life, it is time to cut ties. Sometimes a friend who just listens to you as crazy as you may sound without judgment is how you become best friends.

Support

A best friend should support you on your road to recovery without question. This includes removing some risky temptations and places you may have gone to together before recovery, but don’t expect your friends to change who they are. Supporting someone is very different than enabling someone. When you support someone you’re supporting a friend’s positive actions in recovery to move forward. If you’re enabling someone you might me supporting friend’s negative actions that prevent someone from moving forward.

Forgiveness

True friendship like any relationship is hard to come by, so when you find one that works, you should be willing to fight for it. Forgiveness is the key to remaining best friends while one of you or both of you suffer from addiction. You’ll never move forward if one of you is still hung up on the past.  Forgiveness is key to move forward with any serenity at all.

Respect

This is an important one. Respect comes in many different forms and functions. Respect for your recovery can trump respect for privacy and personal space. While a true best friend may not always agree with you, they will value your perspective. Respect in friendship is also a two way action. If you want respect from a friend you also have to be able to offer it back.

Dependability

A very big part of friendship is simply showing up. No matter what, a true best friend will always be there for you when you need them. This includes a new life in recovery. No matter how far off course you have gone, your best friend should always be willing to help you back on track or allow you to meet your needs to stay on course.

Finding a friendship that encompasses all these characteristics can be difficult, so when one comes along, it is probably worth fighting for. Even if that means having to say you are sorry. Because remember, at the end of the day, we choose the ones we want to be around and those are the people worth sticking around for.

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Vaping vs. Smoking: Is it Still Addiction?

Vaping vs. Smoking: Is it Still Addiction?

A lot of people are wondering whether vaping is the new smoking. An addiction to smoking can be gradually weakened with a transition to vaporizers yet there is no guarantee that the smoker won’t merely replace one vice with another. E-cigarettes and vaporizers really are a double sided coin. On one side is their potential to wean smokers off of real cigarettes. Yet these nifty little vaporizers might also be addictive in their own right.

Are Vaporizers the New Nicotine Fix?

E-cigarettes are generally thought of as a comparatively safer means of nicotine delivery than traditional cigarettes. Yet they still send nicotine to the lungs (without combustion), creating the very real potential for users to become hooked just like they were with real cigarettes. Anyone who is considering making the switch should be aware that there is still an element of risk with e-cigarettes and other vaporizers. In some cases e-cigarettes have become easier to get your nicotine fix on with because smokers are vaping in public indoor areas and restrooms where it is illegal to smoke traditional cigarettes. While smokers may not smell the e-cigarettes odor themselves, it does produce a visible, detectable and sometimes scented smoke.

Other Vaporizer Safety Issues to Consider

Another important consideration is the heavy metal exposure claims made by researchers at the University of California at Riverside. They found that some vaporizers exposed users to potentially harmful heavy metals. It is also interesting to note that a separate study shows that vaporizing liquids can cause users to come into contact with potentially dangerous levels of formaldehyde. Formaldehyde is known to cause cancer.

Researchers at Johns Hopkins University studied the impact of e-cigarette vapor on mice. Mice exposed to such vapors suffered a weakened immune system. The study also showed that those dangerous free radicals typically found in tobacco smoke are also present in e-cigarette vapors. The number of free radicals was actually significantly higher in e-cigarettes.

Are We the Human Guinea Pigs for Vaporizers?

Nobody knows the long-term effects of e-cigarettes because they have not been around for very long. Though they seem to be healthier than traditional cigarettes, no one knows for sure whether they are merely another unhealthy substitute for addictive cigarettes. Those who rely on e-cigarettes as a means of weaning off of cigarettes should not be alarmed by this article. There are plenty of proven benefits to making the switch to e-cigarettes and other vaporizing devices. However, in the long run, the goal should be a complete cessation of nicotine products and a life that is free from all addictions.

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Importance of Marijuana Anonymous as Pot Becomes Legal

There’s something happening in states on the West Coast that narcotics addicts will never have to face: the thought of being able to purchase their drug of choice at any corner store in broad daylight. However, as more states legalize recreational and medical marijuana, that is exactly what many Marijuana Anonymous members are facing. In fact, the number of Marijuana Anonymous groups has grown since pot is becoming legal in parts of the country. As alcohol is legal with its restrictions it still causes a great deal of addiction for many people. The same is for marijuana.

Finding Support and Serenity

Support groups such as Marijuana Anonymous utilize the same 12-step recovery programs as Alcoholics Anonymous and other organizations in an effort to assist users in facing day-to-day challenges without returning to drugs.

Marijuana is considered a gateway drug, one that leads to other addictions such as alcohol abuse. While pot is widely seen as less damaging to our bodies than other drugs and substances, it is still responsible for chronic memory loss, anxiety, paranoia and even delusions in some users. Individuals may feel the need to chase the serenity they felt while using pot. However, with the support of Marijuana Anonymous it may be easier to find serenity and beauty in the everyday. An addictive person will find it almost impossible to smoke pot at a recreational level.

Personal Growth

It can be difficult to make meaningful changes without a support network, so Marijuana Anonymous offers a safe place where individuals can explore the feelings that caused them to turn towards drugs in the first place. This group provides a forum for self-expression that is sorely needed by many individuals.

One of the ways that those who are struggling with an addiction are able to maintain focus is to look for small wins along the path. Finding small and healthy ways to reward themselves as they work through personal challenges with the support of faith, friends and family can be very effective.

Prayer and Meditation

The power of prayer and faithfulness are celebrated throughout the 12-Step Marijuana Anonymous journey, and many individuals find that having additional resources to read and refer to can enrich the journey and provide encouragement even in low times.

Finding the right path towards health and healing is a purely personal journey, but one that can be eased with the support and love of your community, your friends, your family . . . and perhaps most importantly, with a Higher Power.

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You Don’t “Graduate” From Addictions

Graduations are well-known as a rite of passage: from kindergarten, from grade school, from high school and from college. In each of these situations, you are given a set of tools and sent off into the next stage of life with a way to use them, often secure in the knowledge that you are simply “graduating” to the next step in your personal evolution.

Why, then, do we consider the time after we complete an addiction treatment a “graduation”? Does this leave people with the false sense that they magically return to their lives as soon as they graduate from a specific program?

From One Phase to Another

The term graduation really is a misnomer in this type of situation. It addresses addiction as an “acute care” or short-term rehab fix that has been completed, giving the impression that individuals who have graduated are “fixed” and that’s the end of it. In reality, the graduation is simply a new beginning, the ability to re-start their journey toward recovery in a more positive direction while continuing their rituals and focus on self-care and self-actualization.

A Caring Send Off

Even though graduation may not be the most accurate term, it’s hard to dispute the rush of warm feelings that seeing someone start a new chapter of their life brings. This is true for the individual who is ready to take that step as well as for the caregivers and others who are new to the path of health and recovery.

Specifically for newer travelers, a ceremony where graduates are celebrated allows the hope that they can continue and ultimately graduate to the next stage of their journey to recovery as well. Some of the time-tested ways that individuals are celebrated are through reciting the Serenity Prayer in unison, ringing a bell or singing together while forming a physical bond.

When someone has taken the huge step of taking back their life, there are many ways that you can provide them with a tangible token of hope and healing, such as sacred jewelry that will have a special meaning to you both. Whether you call it a graduation, a celebration of life, or simply goodbye for now, the bond that is created in rehab is one that can help support both individuals during a difficult time.

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How to Find Friends in Recovery

How to Find Friends in Recovery

As anyone in recovery knows, getting to the point where sobriety is your “new norm” requires a great deal of effort. Once an individual has reached that point, maintaining sobriety becomes his or her primary focus. Finding friends who are also sober is important, as it allows people in recovery to create and benefit from interpersonal connections while also supporting their primary goals. Figuring out how to find like-minded friends, however, can sometimes be something of a challenge.

Taking the Group Approach

One of the most common ways of finding like-minded people is to search out groups that support a sober lifestyle. Going to 12 step meetings and sharing about yourself is one of the best ways for others to know about you. Going to fellowship with others after meetings is also a great way to find others with similar interest as yours. For many; NA, CA, CMA, and AA meetings are a great place to start. There are few places that offer a more diverse mix of people who have embraced sobriety, are seeking sobriety, or are in the beginnings of a return to sober living.

There typically is a range of different meeting types to choose from. People living in or near a major metropolitan area can even take part in meetings in nearby areas, giving them a greater range of social groups from which to find new friendship.

In addition to recovery programs, there are also numerous support groups that offer an environment in which to meet others who have chosen a path of sobriety. Your options will be defined by one’s geographical area, but it is well worth the time and effort to give these groups a try.

Making Use of Technology

Technology has changed the way that many in the world live, work and play. We are now able to access information, share our opinions and communicate with individuals across town or across the globe, all from our laptops or phones. These advancements have changed the way that people maintain their sobriety, as well.

There are apps that help people locate meetings and support groups, and others that send motivational messages to help support a clean and healthy lifestyle. It should come as no surprise that there is also, at least, one dating app that can help connect sober singles who are looking for love.

Known by the name Sober, this app gives users a place to post their profile and search for others who share a commitment to sobriety. Many users appreciate the fact that having this important choice made clear up front can make dating easier. There is no need to struggle with when to disclose that sobriety is a central focus in one’s life, and also no need to ask probing questions to find out if one’s date is similarly inclined.

No dating app is perfect, and Sober users may still have to sit through a series of awkward first dates. At least they can do so with people who share a common goal, and who might become new friends if a romantic connection is not there.

Becoming sober is a cause for celebration, and maintaining one’s sobriety is a path that can lead to an improved outlook on life and a more enriching daily experience of the world. Finding friends with whom to share these experiences is important, and the team at My 12 Step Store hopes that these tips will make it easier to get out there and make new connections.

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5 Beautiful Ways to Celebrate Your Mom on Mother’s Day

Families are an important form of support during the recovery journey. So on Mother’s Day, show your mom how much she means to you and how grateful you are for her love and support during this difficult time. Or how much you love and support her recovery journey.

You can celebrate with a brunch or dinner gathering with family and friends. You can have flowers delivered or bring flowers to her in person. You can mail a Mother’s Day card and even with a gift. But most of all in today’s technology world a phone call is a must. Here are five more ideas for fun (and sober!) ways to celebrate mom this year.

Plant a Garden

Plant a beautiful, colorful garden for your mom as a surprise if you can. As the plants grow and bloom, your mother will feel honored seeing your dedication to improving the beauty in her life. Strategically place your mom’s favorite plants and flower colors along the front of the garden to keep them center stage.

Schedule Pottery Classes

Attend a pottery class with your mom to learn a new skill together. The mug, dish or figure you create in pottery class can represent your recovery, renewal of self and dedication to progress. Remember to inscribe the date in the bottom of your creation to commemorate the occasion.

Plan a Movie Night

A movie night can help strengthen and renew the bonds between you and your mom as you share your favorite box office hits and cult classics. Make sure to bring a fleece throw blanket along with plenty of movie snacks.

Give Her a Charm Bracelet

Give your mom a charm bracelet that can act as a platform for future gifts for years to come. A sterling silver bracelet will hold small charms that celebrate various events and accomplishments in life. With just a quick glance, this piece of jewelry will fill your mom’s heart with pride and love.

Visit Local Landscapes

Visit the local landscapes together with your mom to share a new perspective on the world around you. During the walk to the viewpoints, you can discuss the way each person’s path through life twists, turns and intertwines with other journeys.

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How to Find Passion for Your Recovery

How to Find Passion for Your Recovery

As you begin your journey into recovery, you may find it difficult to find the passion that will sustain you through sober living. Rest assured your passion isn’t gone. It may have taken a detour for a while, but you can and will get back on track and experience the passion in life that comes from being you.

What Is Passion?

Passion is the driving force that makes life worth living. It has the power to bring you to new heights and achieve goals you never dreamed you could accomplish. In life, it is often associated with the work you choose to do to support yourself and your family, but that’s not all passion is.

Passion is the force that gets you out of bed in the morning so you can meet the day with joy. It is the inner desire to learn and succeed. Many believe that passion comes from a higher power that lovingly guides you through life. Finding that passion is not difficult if you take the time to think about who you really are and what you love. Try these tricks for uncovering hidden passions you may have forgotten existed:

  1.  Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t. This may include learning a musical instrument, taking up photography or writing that children’s book for your grandkids. Don’t worry that your list seems unattainable. It holds the secret to your real passions.
  2. Make a list of activities that you enjoy that totally absorb your attention. If time flies when you are sewing or painting and you have a difficult time setting it aside when the day is done, put it on your list. Likewise, if working on cars, photography or computer graphics is your thing, add it to the list.
  3. Consider your natural skills. Maybe you are a sensation in the kitchen whipping up original recipes and serving the family with pride. Perhaps you are great with numbers or have a knack for words. Maybe you’re good with gardening, designing with flowers or creating sensational parties. Write these down.
  4. What causes do you feel strongly about? Perhaps you are a champion save-the-earth supporter who enjoys growing organic foods. Or maybe you feel the education of our children is a more worthy cause. Helping the homeless, feeding the poor, or helping raise money for those in need. Make a list of those causes you care enough about to get involved.

Putting It All Together

Now that you have completed your four lists it is time to look for common threads. Try to group items from each group into common areas of passion. For example, if your added writing a children’s book as something you’ve always wanted to do, time flies when you are interacting with children, you are a natural communicator and you feel strongly about education, your passion may lie in working with or teaching children.

If you aren’t sure what your passion is, that’s okay. It will come in time as you participate in your 12-Step Program and continue on your journey to recovery. Give yourself time to explore options and try out new ideas. Your passion may lie in unexplored areas that only can be uncovered by trying out new things. Try keeping a journal of your reactions and feelings about new activities and add them to your lists regularly.

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5 Secrets to Find Serenity

The Serenity Prayer can be an important aspect of your recovery as it exemplifies the principles you need to incorporate into your life to find peace and tranquility. It’s not a magical prayer and it won’t change your life on its own, but learning to apply its principles will. This powerful prayer addresses five important personal traits: serenity, acceptance, courage, wisdom and surrender.

Serenity

The first part of the verse asks God or a “higher power” for serenity. Serenity is a state of perfect calm and peace within you. It is derived from the Latin word serenus which means “calm” or “peaceful.” The suffix –ity means “a state of.” When you ask God for serenity, you are asking him for the ability to remain calm and peaceful as you go forward in the moments of the day and your journey in recovery.

Acceptance

The next part of the verse asks God for the ability to “accept the things I cannot change.” This part of the serenity prayer speaks to learning to accept that you cannot change or control others and that, sometimes, you just need to accept them as they are.

It doesn’t mean you should ignore the things you see wrong in the world, it simply asks that you recognize that you are not all powerful and you cannot right the world on your own. Accepting your limitations and acknowledging that some things cannot be changed is important to your personal growth.

For example, you cannot change your past. You can make amends to those you have hurt or caused pain, but you cannot change the events. Accepting this and forgiving yourself is important to your recovery.

Courage

Asking God for the courage to change the things you can means you are willing to look deep within yourself and change the way you react to the world or how you interact with others. Even though you cannot change your past or choose a different childhood, you can change how you view them. You can also change the way you view the future. It takes courage to recognize that it is you that needs to change and to take the steps needed to do so.

Asking God for the courage to change the things you can means you are willing to look deep within yourself and change the way you react to the world or how you interact with others. Even though you cannot change your past or choose a different childhood, you can change how you view them. You can also change the way you view the future. It takes courage to recognize that it is you that needs to change and to take the steps needed to do so.

Wisdom

The Serenity Prayer also asks for the wisdom to tell the difference between the things you must accept and the things you can change. This is often the most difficult step of all. One easy way to determine whether you have the power to change something is to ask yourself who needs to change.

If you are unhappy in your relationships, it is easy to think that if only the other person would change that the relationship would be perfect. The truth is, you can only change yourself. While you can change how you react or how you act toward others, you cannot change another person.

Surrender

The final portion of the serenity prayer deals with living one day at a time and surrendering to a higher power. You may be familiar with concept of “Letting go and giving it to God.” This concept means surrendering to God’s power over your life and letting him take the wheel.

When you surrender to God, or a higher power, you trust Him to bring you serenity, acceptance, courage and wisdom as you work your way through your addiction recovery. Many find wearing a serenity ring as a helpful reminder to let God guide their way.

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Reboot Your Recovery: Create Change to Your Commitment

Life changes frequently. During your recovery from addiction, you may go through a number of changes. Sometimes, they are small changes that give us a new view on life. In other cases, you may find yourself struggling through the 12-step program to keep your focus.

When change happens, it is often important to take a step back and look again at our commitment. Are you still on the right path? Do you need to make changes yourself at this point to help or reboot your direction to reach your life goal?

How Are You Growing and Changing?

The path to recovery isn’t a straight one. It has many curves and backtracks in it. That’s what makes it so complex and yet so rewarding. It’s like finding the path after fighting through the woods. Yet, every tree branch that flips into your path or even stone you stumble upon is a very important part of your recovery from addiction. Don’t overlook the value those small stones are offering to you.

How can stumbling blocks like this really help you? When changes occur, such as changes in your love life, in the people that support you, in your job or even in your health, you really have to see this as a good thing. After all, it is a new opportunity to commit to your recovery and to push yourself further towards that clearing in the forest. View change as a way of growing and becoming who you want to be and who you should be.

Take a Closer Look at Your Commitment

As you see these changes occurring through your 12-step program or another treatment plan for addiction, it’s important to go back to your commitment. You can wear a necklace or hold a medallion in your hand as a reminder of what your commitment was.

However, you also have to be ready and willing to change that commitment. Now, you may not be fighting for a life with the same person or you may need to alter your goal of the career path you selected. That’s okay. When change happens, recognize it and then go back to your commitment to reexamine if it, too, needs to change.

By taking these steps, it is possible to remain on the path to recovery instead of falling and struggling to get back up. Even when you do find yourself overwhelmed, realigning your commitments can help.

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How to Help an Addicted Family Member

When a loved one is struggling with addiction, the impact ranges far beyond that individual’s pain. Addiction causes distress for each and every person who cares about the affected individual, and can lead to significant damage within families and relationships.

For those who love an addict, there is a strong urge to help. Figuring out the best way to give that assistance, however, can be a challenge. The following tips are offered in the hopes of giving loved ones the tools they need to help address a family member’s addiction.

Provide Loving and Unwavering Support

By the time an addict is reaching out for help, they have often done a great deal of damage to their lives and relationships. There can be a significant amount of shame associated with addiction, and your family member is likely all-too-aware of the harm that he or she has caused. No one wants to let down a loved one, and addicts carry a heavy burden in this regard. This is why it is absolutely essential to provide love and support as your family member moves through the recovery process.

This is true regardless of whether this is the first or the 40th time that recovery has been attempted. Tell your family member that he or she is loved, and show them by remaining supportive of their needs and best interests.

Create and Enforce Boundaries

There is an essential difference between providing love and support to an addict and enabling his or her choices. Family members must take steps to set clear boundaries as to what type of assistance is offered, and what the expectations are regarding that help.

For example, it is a loving act to allow a family member to move into your home and help them get back on their feet. However, guidelines should be made for such an extension of assistance. Those guidelines will differ from one family to the next, but common examples are requiring the addict to actively seek treatment through a 12-step program, remain sober, find gainful employment and contribute to the household in a meaningful way.

Part of providing love and support is creating clear boundaries, and being willing to withdraw a level of practical support if those expectations are not met.

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