Learning to Love Yourself: Overcoming Self-Hate

Posted on March 30, 2015 by MainAdmin

78295386Although there are many forms of love — platonic love, romantic love, love for the family or even love for a beloved pet — people underestimate the need for self-love. Look past the inner voice of self-criticism and create a new mantra that embraces you and creates a source of strength and resilience. Let’s review five ways to foster that love of self and overcome negative patterns of self-hate.

1. Get in touch with yourself.

In order to nurture and support those around us, we need a strong foundation of self-love. Taking time to support your well-being is a way to demonstrate to yourself and others that you are important and deserving of love and attention. Take a walk in the park, meditate, and allow yourself to just be. You will be surprised at how the stress of the day can slough off and how you can begin to hear that inner voice of self-love deep within.

2. Start a new record.

People often tell themselves negative things about their appearance, behavior or relationships. Start a gratitude journal and list the things that you appreciate about yourself instead. Perhaps you’ve put on a little weight. Instead of criticizing yourself, thank your body for carrying you through your day. Be thankful for the beauty that resides within you. Write down a loving thought daily, and post a supportive sentiment about yourself by the mirror. As you reflect on yourself, think also on the gifts that you bring to the world.

3. Foster supportive relationships.

Those who truly love you will want you to love yourself. Surround yourself with the support of family and friends who want to assist in your new perspective. Create a community that thrives together and supports the well-being of each member. The company you keep really does make a difference. Being around positive, loving people makes it easier to be positive and loving to yourself.

4. Face challenges.

Every obstacle is another way to overcome and grow. Acknowledge your strengths and develop a better sense of self by facing problems new and old. As you face challenges, even when they are painful, you build a sense of accomplishment. Instead of hating yourself for not being able to do anything, you can love yourself for trying. Rid yourself of fear and negative self-talk. Celebrate new accomplishments as you reflect upon them.

5. Forgive.

Holding on to guilt or the failures of others does little to benefit self-love. These negative thoughts hold us back from a higher focus. Forgive yourself for past failures. You are human, and life doesn’t come with instructions. At some level, these mistakes were a necessary learning tool. Make amends with those affected. Everyone will continue to slip up as they progress through their personal journeys. Most of life is made of small errors, but persistence gets us to our goals. Forgiveness will release you from shame and guilt and make it possible to build a new relationship with yourself or with others.

A sense of self and a love that encompasses oneself is the nucleus of all future connections. Take the time out to be compassionate to the person who needs it most — yourself. We agree with Lucille Ball who once said, “I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”

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A Day without Pain: When Painkillers Kill

Posted on March 23, 2015 by MainAdmin

If you’ve recently undergone a surgery or endured another event that requires the use of prescription painkillers, it is important to be aware of just how addictive those little pills are. While doctors write scripts for painkillers on a regular basis, these pills can wreak havoc on lives. They can even kill.

How Painkiller Addiction Starts

The use of pain killers usually starts innocently enough. Most people suffer an injury at work and need corrective surgery or need a dental procedure. Their doctor prescribes them painkillers to help them make it through the pain caused by the operation. The patient takes these painkillers in the aftermath of his surgery and oftentimes gets a refill. Unfortunately, many patients continue to seek the high provided by painkillers long after they’ve recovered from surgery. It is very easy to get hooked. Painkillers interact with the brain’s receptors and drastically reduce pain perception. They provide feelings of ecstasy that are followed by dysphoria. There is no doubt that these pills are incredibly addictive and dangerous.

Signs of Prescription Painkiller Addiction

There are several signs that indicate addiction to painkillers. An individual addicted to painkillers will often exhibit significant behavioral changes like a loss of interest in friends, family, responsibilities, work, and sex. Just about everything becomes less important once an individual becomes addicted to painkillers. An addict craves pain pills day and night and is unable to stop swallowing them even when they cause harm. Another telltale sign of painkiller addiction is doctor shopping. This means that the addict obtains multiple prescriptions for his painkillers from several different doctors.

How to Prevent Painkiller Addiction

Those who are prescribed pain killers should be aware that these drugs are not only addictive, but they can also slow breathing and even result in death if too many are consumed. The risk of death is heightened when the patient combines pain killers with alcohol.

While it might seem like it is difficult to avoid an addiction to pain killers because they make people feel so euphoric, if one approaches them with caution, they can be used in a responsible manner. Those who suffer injuries and require pain pills to help with the pain should consume only the number of pills in the specific time span advised by the doctor. The patient should also strive to avoid obtaining a refill of his pain medication if at all possible. By limiting the amount of pain pills that one consumes, that person will improve the likelihood that they’ll be able to taper off taking them without enduring withdrawal symptoms.

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What If My Child Is Smoking Marijuana?

Posted on March 16, 2015 by MainAdmin

Talking with your teen about marijuana

If you are a parent, you should be aware of a few telltale signs that your child is using marijuana. While certain liberal members of the media would like the American public to believe that marijuana is harmless, it is not. It can have a devastating impact on a person’s life, especially if he hasn’t yet reached adulthood. If you do think your child is using, what should you do? We’ll discuss some signs of using and how to approach your child about it.

Signs of Marijuana Use

Monitor your child’s behavior closely before confronting him or her. When he returns home from an outing, find a reason to walk toward his vicinity to determine whether he smells like marijuana. Look into his eyes after his outings. If they are consistently bloodshot, he might be smoking marijuana. Another sign is finding empty Visine bottles. Many people use Visine to mask the redness associated with smoking pot. Oftentimes, kids who use marijuana lose interest in their hobbies. If your child or teen has quit extracurricular activities, doesn’t have an interest in his typical passions, and has deteriorating grades, he might be spending his free time smoking marijuana. This sign can also be indicative of other problems such as depression, so start by asking general questions that will open communication, not accuse.

Why Is Marijuana Dangerous?

Although marijuana is not as physically addictive as some other drugs, it still presents a danger. It is a gateway drug that often leads to the use of “hard” drugs such as cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine and others. Many teens try marijuana, get a buzz, and think that other drugs will be similar. Unfortunately, marijuana is fairly tame compared to “harder” drugs. It’s a slippery slope, and your child or teen might not realize just how much his life can spin out of control when he experiments with marijuana.

How to Approach Your Child

Marijuana use is more popular at the moment, and the unfortunate truth is that the majority of youngsters will give it a try before graduating from college. If you suspect that your child or teen is smoking marijuana, don’t confront him in an accusatory manner. Start by asking questions when you see signs. Does your child smell like weed when they come in the door? You can comment that they smell different, then decide how to proceed based on their reaction.

Once you have come to the point where you need to confront your child, sit down with him to have an open, honest talk about drugs. You should come prepared with a printout of testimonials from those who have used marijuana and now regret it. Tell your child all about these people and how they wasted years of their lives smoking marijuana. Instead of interacting with their peers, looking for a significant other, and developing their talents, they spent their time smoking marijuana. It will also help to print out a list of top employers who test for marijuana.

If your child understands that marijuana has the potential to take over his life and ruin his career, he’ll be less likely to use it. No matter what, you should make it clear that you will always be there to lend your support. If your child knows that he can talk with you about anything, especially sensitive subjects such as peer pressure and marijuana use, he’ll be more likely to be honest with you.

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Is Rehab for Me?

Posted on March 9, 2015 by MainAdmin

If you are struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, you should give serious consideration to rehab. Many addicts think that rehab isn’t for them, but rehab can really kick-start the healing process. While there are several different treatment types, one of the primary distinctions is between inpatient and outpatient. Let’s take a look at the merits of each.

Inpatient vs. Outpatient

Inpatient programs require that the patient reside at the treatment center 24 hours a day. Outpatient programs treat patients at the facility during the day. Patients leave the outpatient facility after treatment and spend their night hours at home. So there is a treatment solution available for you, regardless of your current employment or living situation. Addiction counselors in both types of treatment programs are available and flexible enough to help your overcome substance abuse. Most rehab programs work hand-in-hand with 12-step recovery groups to give you the tools that you’ll need to maintain sobriety and grow in health and healing.

Inpatient Rehab Programs

Those who choose to participate in an inpatient program will live at the treatment facility for a fixed period of time. It usually takes between one month and three months for the typical patient to pass through his withdrawal phase. Being away from one’s normal living environment and the accompanying bad influences can work wonders for an addict in recovery. There are even programs available that last longer than 3 months. These are called therapeutic communities. They typically last half a year. Inpatient programs do more than simply separate the addict from his former living environment. These programs help recovering addicts develop relationships with staff members and fellow patients. It is an opportunity for a patient to change his attitude toward drug use and get a fresh start.

Outpatient Rehab Programs

Outpatient treatment provides addicts with a number of helpful programs. This type of rehab program allows patients to visit treatment centers at regularly scheduled appointments for counseling with addiction specialists. There are usually group therapy sessions available as well. Other therapy approaches used in the outpatient setting are wide ranging. They include motivation incentives, motivational interviewing, cognitive behavioral therapy, and multidimensional family therapy. Especially in outpatient programs, recovering addicts are encouraged to participate in 12-step programs to build supportive, sober communities.

Outpatient multidimensional family therapy is designed to end addiction by including the addict’s family in the treatment sessions. It aims to improve the habits and attitudes of a recovering addict’s family members to create a living environment and relationships that are more conducive to sobriety. This type of outpatient treatment is typically utilized with adolescents who are struggling with drug and alcohol addiction. Cognitive behavioral therapy aims to help a patient handle sensitive situations that are likely to trigger a relapse. Motivation incentives use rewards to help a patient avoid drug use. The motivational interviewing approach attempts to reform a patient’s desire for drugs.

The type of outpatient therapy used will depend on the unique pieces of the recovering addict’s personal struggle. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is a therapy solution available for everybody, whether he is addicted to alcohol, cocaine, pain killers, marijuana, or another substance.

If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, you can find a rehab center in your area here. The best part is that it’s completely confidential.

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Addiction: It’s All in the Family

Posted on March 2, 2015 by MainAdmin

Whether an addict is in denial of his or her disease or facing addiction recovery, family plays an important role. A great source of love, strength and support, the family is a force to be thankful for. At some point in a 12 step recovery program, it becomes clear to the addict that addiction is a disease suffered and survived by both the addict and the addict’s family; but addiction affects a family long before recovery begins. In fact, family members may not even realize how much the addiction has affected them.

Unintended Consequences on Family

  • Physical:Addicts may love their families more than life itself, but it’s often under the influence of an addictive substance that physical abuse occurs. The addict may not even remember committing an abusive act. Additionally, family members may suffer sleep deprivation, headaches, digestive trouble and serious illness due to the stress of having an addict in their lives.
  • Emotional/Spiritual:Those close to the addict often suffer depression and anxiety. Watching a loved one self-destruct can even cause a loss of faith. At a time when God offers unconditional love, help and guidance, He gets left out. Yet the power of faith is immeasurable when it comes to recovery.
  • Financial:The cost of dependency invariably usurps the family budget. Families may find themselves forgoing basic needs or suffering more dramatic losses; homes are lost, college becomes unaffordable, and savings vanish.
  • Other: Addiction and addiction recovery are unintentionally fraught with dysfunction. Deciding if and how to assist an addict, or considering whether to leave or stay with the addict, can take a toll on family members.

Recovery, Together

The good news is that addiction recovery is possible. There is hope! Addicts must first admit that they are powerless over their addictions; it is a family disease. Help is available from doctors, psychologists, therapists, clergy and recovery programs. Families can help addicts by lovingly supporting them without judgment, developing better communication skills, not enabling the addict through codependency, not engaging in denial or blame, and by getting help for themselves. There are myriad supportive communities and 12 step recovery programs available to addicts and their families, including AA, Al-Anon, Alateen, Nar-Anon and others. What works for one family may not be the right solution for another. It’s appropriate to seek the kind of help that is best for you. Most importantly, remember that the battle against addiction can be won — together.

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Sober Living: Why Am I So Angry?

Posted on February 23, 2015 by MainAdmin

Humans are naturally emotional creatures. In fact, we can’t help but be emotional because of chemicals called neurotransmitters and hormones influencing our thoughts and behaviors. Without the passionate, inescapable impact of emotions on our lives, we wouldn’t be able to experience the satisfaction of achieving our goals, our desires and our persistent need to find meaning in our lives.

Everybody gets angry. Everybody. Just like happiness, sadness and fear, anger is a natural reaction to something that frustrates, bewilders or oppresses our intense craving for complete control over what happens to us. When something occurs that does not conform to our unrealistic expectations, we feel angry.

Yes, it is unrealistic to think that everything is going to happen as we want it to happen. People cannot read minds. They don’t know or care why you think they should or shouldn’t say or do particular things. Consequently, when people act in contrast to your unrealistic expectations of them, you may feel angry.

Although anger can be a positive catalyst in the right moment at the right time, it is all too often a useless and destructive emotion, especially to those who are new to sober living or participating in a 12 step recovery program. While achieving sobriety is a life-changing and deeply personal experience, it is also a time of uncertainty and emotional upheaval. With sobriety brings the realization that you are genuinely in touch with profound emotions that previously remained anesthetized and deeply buried under years of substance abuse.

Feeling angry while in recovery is a perfectly normal response to suddenly being thrust into unfamiliar territory. You’re clean, sober and experiencing a chaos of emotions you haven’t had to deal with for years. However, the one thing to always remember when strong waves of anger threaten to compromise your recovery is that anger is a complex, temporary response to unrealistic expectations that cannot be fulfilled.

Sometimes anger is an indication of something in our lives that needs to change. We need to remember to slow down enough to ask whether or not this is something we can change, or if it’s something we need to “Let Go and Let God.” Often in early sobriety (and beyond!) it’s helpful to repeat the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

When we can learn to let go, we’ll find that much of our anger will begin to subside. It doesn’t happen overnight, but each day we get to make small choices that will begin to transform our lives.

Anyone can learn to successfully cope with anger. For people in a 12 step recovery program, confronting, understanding and then letting go of anger is vital to avoiding relapse. Many coping strategies taught by sober living counselors are available that can help those in recovery recognize when expectations are unrealistic and take steps to transform their anger into mindful acceptance of things they cannot control. Moreover, loved ones of people in recovery should learn these coping strategies to improve their ability to help someone through feelings of anger while showing how much they truly care about their loved one’s recovery.

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Sober Sex: Romantic Relationships without Alcohol

Posted on February 19, 2015 by MainAdmin

Sobriety can open up a world of possibility for individuals in recovery. Many people in 12 step recovery programs begin to feel as if, finally, they can rebuild their lives and get back some of what they lost during their years of addiction. One of the things that many of us suffer losing is romantic relationships.

Romantic relationships can be a source of happiness in sober living. Although it may feel strange interacting with people romantically while sober at first, it is so much more satisfying. Many of us relied heavily upon alcohol in order to maneuver through romantic relationships. Alcohol may have helped us temporarily feel more desirable or forget our hang-ups. When you’re used to shutting down your Self to deal with romantic relationships, attempting to navigate the waters while sober can feel both scary and intimidating.

It is recommended that individuals who are very early in their recovery should wait before jumping into romantic relationships too early. It is very important during recovery to focus on the Self and strengthening one’s Self so that, later on, the individual will have something good and authentic to bring to a romantic relationship. The main thing is to take care of YOU first, so that eventually you have the confidence and the tools you need for healthy, satisfying relationships.

Why Is Sober Sex Difficult?

Sober sexual relationships are often difficult because we have developed the habit of using alcohol to blur the lines of our own personal inhibitions and judgments. Without alcohol, sexual relationships require a huge amount of trust and self-confidence that many in recovery do not feel like they possess at that moment in their lives. Sex is intimate. Even if you’re having sex with your clothes on, it’s an act that makes you very vulnerable to someone else. Until you have regained a sense of who you are in sobriety, it’s pretty scary. This is another reason why it is often recommended to postpone sexual relationships until the individual in recovery has regained their own sense of self and confidence.

For those who have started to regain this confidence, there should be a conscious effort to relax and trust one’s partner. Those in recovery must remember that your partner has chosen you because they are genuinely attracted to you and desire to have a relationship with you. In a healthy relationship, your partner will not be focused on the way your stomach creases in certain positions or how you look when you wake up. They simply want to enjoy intimacy with you.

What about Existing Relationships?

Many of us in recovery are in existing relationships. These existing relationships will also need special attention. In many cases, the partners of addicts will have been harmed through the years of our substance abuse. There can be serious trust issues on both sides of the relationship. In many cases, couples’ therapy can help both partners learn to trust one another again. When your partner sees you genuinely working through the steps, and they see the change that happens when you do, that will go a long way to restoring some of that broken trust.

It is very important that those in recovery remember that although it may feel like it, alcohol is not necessary in order to have enjoyable sexual relationships. It may take time and counseling in order for those in recovery to learn to trust themselves and their partner again, but it can be done. Healing takes time, but the joy in sober sex is SO worth it!

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My Friends Drink: Socializing with Friends that Drink Alcohol

Posted on February 16, 2015 by MainAdmin

Once you’ve made the brave decision and entered a 12 step recovery plan for sober living, you will probably run into awkward situations where you are out with colleagues from work, friends or family where you are expected to drink. Ok, if not to drink then at least to take a sip. Just a sip won’t hurt, right? Wrong! You know that one sip of arsenic would kill you. Same goes for alcohol. But how do you tell your well-meaning friends? You’ve worked so hard to get where you are, but they just don’t get it. How hard it is to say, “No, not tonight. Thank you anyway.” It can be VERY hard. Fortunately, there are tips that can get you through that event and help you continue with sober living for another day. And you already know that if you can get through this one hard day, you can surely do the same tomorrow!

Prepare Thyself!

Before going out with friends who will be drinking alcohol, prepare yourself by going through possible scenarios. Have your lines ready and practice them until you feel comfortable. The last thing you’ll want to do when socializing with drinking friends is go into a discussion about the 12 step recovery plan and why you chose sober living; so memorize lines to steer them away from the subject. How about something like, “No thanks, I’m not drinking tonight. I have an important meeting tomorrow morning.” Or you might try, “I think I’d feel better if I stick with a soda tonight.” Some people might also say “I’ve developed an allergy to alcohol. It makes me really sick.” Whatever you’re comfortable saying, use it. If you are in early sobriety, it’s also a good idea to avoid temptation altogether. Use your best judgment and talk to a sponsor or friend in your 12 step program before you go.

Keep the Top Half Full

Another trick is to always keep your glass full. Don’t get into a situation where someone feels like they need to fill your glass for you or push you to drink something that you don’t want. Let them know that you will order your own drink and that you will decide for yourself what goes into your glass. Just drinking water all night can get pretty boring, so consider a seltzer with a twist of lime or muddled fruit. It gives you something to keep in your hand without raising a lot of questions.

Avoid Triggers

Are your friends used to smoking a cigarette or an after dinner cigar with you? If you are used to having alcohol with your smoke, then it’s better to forgo the smoke for tonight. Stay away from anything that might trigger a craving for a drink.

Have a Backup Plan

It always helps to drive yourself so that you aren’t hostage to a situation. If the temptation to drink is getting difficult to handle, call a support person. They will be able to encourage you in your sobriety. Failing that, leave. Don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. Just leave. You’ve worked too hard and are worth too much to let one social event set you back.

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Hello world!

Posted on January 16, 2015 by MainAdmin

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

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